What does it take to make someone so dissatisfied, so unable to bear the life they lead, that they can walk away and start a new, better life, a different way, elsewhere? And what does it take before we realize that the prisons in which each of us live, societally and metaphorically, are prisons without locks, just waiting for us to let ourselves out?
Personally what keeps me here are the links I have with other people. I have frequently said that if I had none of these I would quickly enroll myself in a monastery somewhere for 10 years. In the same way that Scott Peck (A Road Less Travelled) says that everybody could benefit from psychotherapy I believe that everybody could benefit from some solitude and meditation.
I pick 10 years since I figure the schedule goes something like this:
- Spend the first 3-4 years getting used to my new surroundings, learning to be "disconnected" from all the things I am accustomed to.
- The next 2-3 years are spent learning how to be alone with myself and how to think when I'm alone. I currently feel a need to bounce ideas off others and this would not be possible in an ideal circumstance.
- The final years are spent in quiet contemplation of myself, the world and the divine. Hopefully I can then choose whether or not to "go back" with some sort of idea both of what I am leaving and of where I am going.
I used to have nightmares where somebody was pressing me for an answer I didn't have and all I could muster was "Wait! Wait!" over and over. The frustration of not being able to stand back, take a deep breath, and see things the way they are is a constant enemy of tranquility and clear vision.
I suppose it's possible to become dissatisfied with bits of your life and work to change them, but the same obstacles rear their ugly heads every time: fear, inertia and peer pressure in its various forms.
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