The Whisper Campaign

Dave writes that he has had a change in philosophy but I'm not sure this is really a change but maybe more of a refinement of previous ideas: there are certain types of praise that are more suited to being given in private.

I think the key factor may be intimacy; if I have intimate praise for somebody, sharing it publically may work against me more often than not. Public praise should focus on shared goals whereas private praise should focus on personal and/or intimate aspects of the relationship. When you tell somebody that they are "amazing" you are referring to some aspect of your relationship with that person that causes you to be amazed. This is not something that needs to be bandied about or else it loses it's subtlety.

In social gatherings my girlfriend and I often spend a lot of time apart, flitting from one group of people to the next. We always manage to catch the other's eye however and deliver a small, subtle gesture of caring even across a crowded room.

I think private praise gives a feeling of belonging and closeness that is not acheived via public praise.